Still in the Shadows

walking in the dark , keeping to the shadows

my thoughts spin 'round and 'round

thinking about all areas of life .. is this what we have come to

is it what I have come to ??

A spot of sad news and I feel like falling a part. Knowing that there is nothing I can do either way.

I walk on in the shadows of my own mind. Wishing there was someone I can talk with but no one is here... maybe there is a dark shadow wrapped around me tonight ... somethings ... i dont know ... sometimes I just feel so lost and alone.

As time moves on the shadows change.. we change with them ... or not. We grow, learn and keep moving and changing. Life is too short for regrets ... maybe its time to take a chance and follow our dreams ... where ever they may lead....

Still walking in the shadows ... but maybe willing to step into the light and take that chance

Darkness

The night closing about me, I sit here wondering why

why am I here alone, why are you far from me

Feeling alone in the darkness, I sit back in my chair

settling into the dark of the room, lost in thought

A dim light shining through the window,

the moon at her fullest caressing my skin

The night is closing about me

and I think of you

As far as you may be, you are close to my heart

a lingering light in my darkness

You are the warmth in the late cold hours

I wrap my self in thoughts of you

I’m here...

with night closing about me

like a hug from the distance ...

.

Touched Beyond Words....

Hmmm... Ponderings from the Dreamer ....

I read a good friend's latest posting on his blog and I was touched beyond words. For he had put some of my feelings into words. Through his words I felt heavy of heart yet at the same time light in spirit. Im not sure it really makes much sense and thats ok, to feel heavy and light at the same time. Knowing that this moment in time and season is coming to an end. Yet, I feel lightened and inspired by the new moment in time that it to come. Even knowing it will last a short time before it too moves on. Only to be looked at from the distance of the future.

With a smile and love in my heart I look about me and see those that I love and care for beyond words. Knowing that the moments I have with them are all that really matter. Knowing that my time with some of them is coming to the end of the season... but they will be with me in all things. Never really far away from my heart. As they sleep this night and I fumble in the night unable to sleep I feel at peace ...

I have to thank Nude Boy Superhero .... the words you wrote in the quiet of the night/morning touched a Dreamer ... Your words brought the closing of the moment ... just to being on the awakening of a new moment in time .... you have touched me beyond words..... thank you for the moment in time ....

I'm sure I'll read this in my waking hours to remember that I was called from my world of dreams to the real world for a moment in time ... to be touched beyond words.....

Tears of Hope

Such sadness in the eyes

in the mirror

It hurts to see her

standing there

looking back at me

Tears slipping down

Sliding slowly down

down into a broken soul

Standing in the darkness

no can see the pain

no can feel the tears

in the darkness all is

silent ...

Such sadness in those eyes

they look back at me

A tear slipping down my cheek

Looking past the sadness

I now see hope

hope in the present

hope for the future

Hope in the silent darkness ...

Cold Sleep

Crawling into bed, I arrange the pillows so they are like another body next to mine.
It seems like a sad little thing to do. Yet, this is how I get to be next to you.



The only warmth I get is that from my own body. It takes so long for me to get warm.
The warmest thing I have are my thoughts of you.



I start to think of how warm your body would be next to mine. Of how your skin would
feel heating mine. Of how your breath would caress my hair.



My music lulls me to sleep. The drums sound like a beating heart. I imagine it is your heart
beat next to my ear. A strong rhythmic sound. With each note of the organ, I imagine
your fingers along my skin, smooth and graceful. Stroking each key.... stroking me.



No more reading, no more imagination. My eyes close, and I drift to sleep dreaming of you
next to me.

i just don't understand......

what the problem with a lot of couples out there that they don't, won't or can't allow there spouses to have friends out side of them selves. We are talking a friendship, nothing sexual.

Now what is a friendship??? Some one to talk to, to share a few silly dreams with, someone who might help you see things in a new light. Maybe even someone who encourages your dreams...

Male or female... does it really matter?? Well .. I'm really learning that it does. Especially if the other person is married and male. Am I really that much of a threat OR is it that woman dont trust their husbands to have a friend?? I happen to have a wonderful husband who thinks its great that I have friends out there. I think its wonderful that he has friends out there. People who share his interests.. in areas that I really don't know much about. Im happy to listen to his ideas... but i cant really contribute more and different ideas to something I know little about. Thats what other friends are for!

Now the male/female thing.... as I am a very happily married person I really don't want anything more then a friendship... I dont want to have a sexual relationship with someone else's hubby. NO cam, No MSN. sometimes I don't mind voice... as its easier to get ideas across then when typing ... BUT its not necessary...

ok ... I think im done my rant ...

IF

If I could be in your arms

Know that I would be

If I could be tucked beside you

I would be

If I could run my hands

along you , I would

If I could kiss your lips

I may never stop

If I could have one night with you

It would never be enough

If you wanted me

I would come to you

If you need me

I'll be there

You have my heart

You have my love

Yet all of this you know

but do not accept

You are apart of me

and I will always be apart of you

If I could be in your arms

Nothing would stop me from loving you

If I could be tucked by your side

I'd never leave

If I could touch you

You would never want another

All of this you know

Yet cannot acknowledge

You have a piece of my heart

that no one can take way from you

IF you want it

You just need to let me know

With words or actions

and its yours

I am yours

but this you do not know

One word

and I melt for you

One touch and I'd never leave you

For now things will

remain as they are

For now I will hold

my peace

For now

although my heart is yours

it shall remain here

For now

You don't want to know

that you are a piece of me

and I am of you

IF I hold my arms out to you

Would you come to me

If I told you what you mean to me

would you understand

Would you want the same OR

would you run??

Just Not Enough

I know I am not you favorite

I know I am not a lady

I also know that i am not special enough

I just want to feel your love

I just want you to know

that I am a lady

even if you dont think so

I just want you to know

that I am special

to many others,

If not to you

You gave everyone

your time and attention

For some reason

there wasnt much left for me

I have found all these qualities

inside myself

Some with the help

of my chosen family

Some with the love of

MY family

For some reason they love me

even though im not your favorite,

Or a lady or special

I am me

Still growing and learning.

Twists and Turns

Its all the twists and turns that make our path.
The Crossroads of what is to come and what has been.
The relationship that has come and gone, people, souls that have touched us.

Twists and turns, hills maybe mountains and valleys, not where we place our feet or
who or what we place our faith in. Remember that it is always the journey not the
destination.

Twists and turns, fast or slow. Those who let us touch them as we reach the cross roads.
the twists and turns are our future. The straight road the past behind us. Hills and valleys,
the ups and downs of life.

These are the things that make us who we are and lead us to who we are meant to be.

Into Forever

As I look into your eyes

I can feel myself

falling into forever

A forever with you

soul to soul

heart to heart

A safe place

a place of joy

a place of forever

In you I see

Past Present and Future

I fall into forever

as I look deeply

into your soul

Nights End

The night draws to a close

My chalice is almost empty

My heart heart is heated

with thoughts of you

A look, A word

A touch, A sigh

All coming together

with the rising sun

My chalice drained

My soul calling for you

Sunlight hurting my tired eyes

My body craving your touch

Your name on my lips

as i lay here

in dawns early light

My eyes close

Images of you

drifting before me

My last conscious thought

is of you

Voices in the Night

voices in the night

keeping me awake

wishing you were by my side

holding me close

voices in the night

will one be yours

calling my name

i hear the call of the night

the stars are shining bright

i can see you smile in the dark

the moon shining down

bathing us in her light

with a kiss between

a lovers delight

and sorrows sweet

parting

voices in the night

keeping me awake

thinking about you

Black Hearted Trickery

black hearted trickery

and dark bleeding wounds

we all walk through the

flames of hell

together or a part

burnt feet and broken hearts

thanks for the wound

thanks for the brokenness

maybe next time the sword

will miss

maybe the fires will

burn forever more

and my tears will just

go off in steam

black hearted trickery

and dark bleeding wounds

another knife in my back

another burn and broken heart