Take Me As I Am

Take me as I am

take me as i am

im not special

just me

just a woman

walking my own path

looking for missing pieces of my soul

i am not perfect

i am a person of faults

i write in the darkness

for fear you will see me

and not really know me

i cry in the rain

for the shame of tears

i cannot let you see

i smile in the summer sun

it warms me

as the breeze caresses me

i scream my frustration in the storm

that way no one knows my pain

i play in the puddles

as a child seeking enjoyment

through the dark and light

in the sun and storms

please take me as i am

a child a girl a woman

seeking fulfillment

seeking a place of my own

as a daughter, mother and wife

i have been lost in a title

drop the title and see me

see the woman standing in the shadows

I seek the light of your love

Lost in a Moment of Time

Lost in a Moment of Time

lost in a moment of time

lost in thoughts of you

lost in this moment

that will never came back

lost in a moment of time

a time of happiness

a time of love and joy

a time unchanging

lost in a moment of time

a time of sorrow

a time of loss

a time of remembrance

lost in a moment of time

a touch

a sensation

a feeling

never to be felt again

lost in a moment of time

it lasts for an eternity

lingering in a memory

suspended in time

lost in a moment of time

cant go back

cant go forward

stopped in the moment

Forgotten Remembrance

I had forgotten the feel of the Sun's kiss

of the gentle breeze caressing my skin

the grass tickling my feet

I had forgotten the rich spice sent of the summer air

flowers in bloom

the sounds of the leaves

rustling in the wind

I had forgotten how to sit still and listen

to the many birds calling out

the bees buzzing by

the water lapping at the shore

I had forgotten how to quiet my mind

and become one with nature

to join my energy to hers

I sit here in remembrance of all I have forgotten

of all I want to be.

This past week i have had 2 amazing days!

The first... I want for an amazing walk with my Husband. I haven't felt that close to nature since i was a child. To smell all the green growing things and the decaying ones, it was so ... WOW!

To walk along the river and see life from a different point of view. OMGs it was incredible!

Just to feel the energy coming from the land!

Then today... another WOW!

I really thought today was going to be a down day. We went to my Uncle Moose's funeral... supposed to be a time of mourning ( at least to our culture) became a time finding life. Reclaiming life and what she has to offer. I became alive again, in so many ways.

Once again we went for another amazing walk, during our drive home. To feel that close to nature.. to feel the breeze across ones skin and to hear the creek running in the distance. Once again to feel the energy coming from all of nature, the trees the grasses, just everything!

Then there was the conversation on the way home... another WOW! haha haha Lots of those today! To be able to talk so freely about our thoughts and feelings... about everything!

Especially about different kinds of relationships... WOW! Its amazing ... to have my husband see me as a real person with thoughts and desires and feelings, not just a barbie doll, stepford wife!

I think Uncle Moose would have a proved of today's events :D

I know I did!

i just hope my Friend will as well.... although I'm not sure how much I'm ready to tell him! hah! we'll just see where things go! ;)

I am feeling more alive today then i have in a very long time.... thank you Husband and a special thanks to Uncle Moose!

On a funny last note...

How many husband will sit and help their wife pick out a new boyfriend? that was so much fun with you Love! Knowing that its all in fun....

Comment on a Comment

Someone left a comment about the type of person my husband must be... in order for me to be able to talk with him about anything. I have to ask... what kind of relationship would we have if we couldn't talk with each other. i dont want a realtionship that i cannot express myself and my husband just nods his head and thinks im a silly female. There is far to much of that out there.

Knowing my husband as i do, i know he is interested in what i have to say and in what i am thinking. Sometimes my thoughts even inspire him. In his thoughts and actions.

i dont pretend to put our realtionship on a pedastel... it would only fall and get broken. We are not with out our own faults, both in our selves and our relationship. It's called being human.

BUT

i do know that after all these years of being with my husband (and actually talking with him) that he would never pretend to show interest in something or some one when he has no interest in these areas. NO, hes not a perfect person... i wouldn't want him to be...

As for him being open minded... lol* he would have to be, to be interested in the things that he is. All having nothing to do with my interests. although we talk about his interests, thoughts and ideas as much as we do mine. It's a sharing of minds... not just bodies...

A good... no a wonderful, but not perfect relationship needs a sharing of the minds. If a couple cannot be best friends and share everything then what is the point?? Just great sex...? what happens when thats not enough to keep two people together?? what happens if a couple doesn't talk, truely share their minds and the kids grow up and start their own lives?? the couple no longer know each other... they either start all over or the fall a part. they usually become starngers to one another. Its very sad to see happen.

OK I'm tried and starting to ramble.. OOps!

My husband would even understand that... and let me carry on asking questions all the while.

Time Lines and What Ifs

There are so many thoughts and ideas running through me brain right now. Most i have talked over with my Husband... but they still seem to plague me. This is not really a bad thing...

 

Time lines.... is it possible to live more then one? Is that what deja 'vu s are... glimpse of another time line you have already been through? Are you supposed to do something different, say something that might change the out come of a situation? OR  did you already do or say something to change the out come and this is a check point ?

And then there are the dreams that are so real that you don't realise you are dreaming until you wake up. different time line? maybe Past or future life times??

Then I wonder about the people in my life or that i have met for Brief moments in time...

What about the people that it feels like we have known them for ever... but we just met. Were we connected some how in a past life or a alternate timeline? what about the people that we have an instant attraction to? or an instant dislike for? If it is feelings from a past life or different time line ... why do these feeling carry through? shouldn't we all start fresh? Are we supposed to reconnect with these people (souls) for a reason? are we supposed to learn something from them? are they supposed to learn something from us?

Its all more then enough to make ones head spin!

This is one of the thoughts, ideas that runs like a crazy person through my head.

The other is the 'What if'.

We all seem to play the What If game. 'What if I did B instead of A?'

Would everything have been different in our lives. Or would we still be where we are today?

I know i have many What IF points of my life. What if i would have stood up to my Dad? What if i would have dated person R instead of person S? Would I have still met person J? How different would life be now?

Could have, should have, would have, didnt... i guess we are where we are in life for a reason. Here we sit... wondering what lesson we are supposed to learn from the different events in our lives. Do we learn our lessons or do we come back to try it all again....

yeah... im thinking its an intrestingly scary place inside my head! 

Brightest Bessings to all!