Wonky

Its interesting when you are trying to make a come back, as a super hero, and things go all wonky. Wonky is this super heros life.

Re-doing my kitchen  ... not all terrible and yet, not all that great. My colours are awesome and feel amazing. My new cupboards are going to be amazing. They are not there yet. And a counter top! I need a counter top!  When that gets done, I know it will be great. Getting there are been a super pain!

Moving on ... the super hero kitty is extremely demanding lol  that's what meows are though, demanding. I fall for his big blue eyes all the time. He is a big part of the happiness around here . I can no longer imagine my life with out him.

Welcome to wonky, super heroes!
Remember to be your own super hero !

The return of a super hero

I have wanted to come back here for some time now.  It seems like the right time. The sun is shining and the snow is melting. I may not be in super hero mode ... yet. . But I suspect that will come back in time.  For now, this dreamer is dreaming again and not lost in the darkness of life. A candle has been lit and I can see the walls that cage me in.... it's time to climb out and feel the sun kissing my skin .

What a day to return... Friday the 13th !
Well... it's only bad if you are a templar . Which I am not. Hahaha

Have an amazing weekend humans!

Deamer is dreaming again...

Time is getting closer ...
Had such a wonderful time with my hubby in the last few days... really in the last few weeks.
... it's kind of funny/sad my bday is on thanks giving this year and 11 days later ... oMGs!  Will have been married 22 years.
It's just amazing  how time moves .. most times with out us realizing it.
Time just keeps passing... life moves on.

When  I first got married I didn't think it would be like this. It hasn't been bad. It's been real good.  Up and downs; rough patches and sunny days. 4 wonderfully different kids later. Married life is still good and the kids are almost all grown up.
Again.. life moves on, with or with out us. I am not sure if I am looking forward to my bday or to the anniversary.  Yeah .. I kind of am... but atbthw same time.. they don't feel specialness exciting like when they were new.
I was wonderfully spoiled with celebrating early. Maybe that's what happened ... they have already been celebrated.

Wondering

sometimes do you wonder why you came out of the shadows? Does that moment in time haunt you ?
there are times that i wonder these things. I have not found a suitable answer as of yet.
Somedays I am very glad to walk in the light but I miss the shadows where things felt safer.
Other times ...  well.. yeah .. there are times i just want to throw the covers over my head and hide.
I dream of being back in the shadows of your light. I wonder why I was pulled from the shadows to live this "normal" life. hahaha  Normal, that is always so funny!

Normal, trying to accept a life in the light. something seems not to Dreamer like there. All in all like in the light can be very good. Then there are the MOMENTS, like today ...
Was I happier in the shadows, was anything even real there, Was it all a dream? OR maybe this life in the light is the dream ...

Maybe... just maybe we are really all figments of someone else's imagination ... thats is always possible. What happens then that person dies or stops thinking about us ( because they no longer need us). Maybe they stop thinking about us because they no longer live in the shadows...

WOW! talk about a rambling Dreamer  lol   Sorry about that!


I also wonder if anything really matters.... maybe I am just .. I don't even know a word for it ...
i don't think I'm crazy, so that is not the right word. I am sure there is a word or several out there to describe me.

I Thought Wrong

I Thought Wrong …

feeling like I lost my best friend
having a feeling of being lost
feeling sad emptiness

I thought you would have told me
I thought that maybe …
just maybe
but I thought wrong

Sometimes  I let my heart
run away with out me
Sometimes it goes so far a head
of me
I think I know what page I’m on

I thought  you might have told me
I thought we were closer then that
I thought that maybe …
just maybe
But I thought wrong


My heart races at the thought of you
my heart races when I hear from you
My world lights up
when you talk to me

I thought you might have told me
I thought I would be the first to know
I thought that maybe…
just maybe
But I thought wrong.

Dying Dreams

The Dreamer of Dreams is lost in a dream
Lost in a drowning pool of lost hope
swimming in uncertainty

Dreaming Dreams that will never see light
thinking that its time for the dream to die
and not take flight

The Dreamer cannot do this
dream anymore
the dream is falling through my fingers

What happens when the dream
has to die
what happens when the dream
falls a part
what happens when the dream
is forced to die


The Dreamer is lost in a dream
a dying dream taking everything
a dream that should be no more 

Spiraling

One coming from the dreaming pond ... unfortunately, its not a dream
 falling in and out of depression..   maybe spiralling is a better word. Downward and upwards ... the middle is the best part. Things are in balance when I'm in the middle.
The last couple of days have been a downward spiral ... and I didnt even see it coming, blind sided by something that is a part of me.  It seems to take me by
surprise, and that truly amazing me.

I hope I'm heading up on this journey. To that nice even place. Sometimes, when this depression comes to get me, I feel like running away from home. Far far away. I just don't want to be near people, yet at the same time I just want someone to hold me and tell me things are going to be ok.  It's a time when people as if you're ok and you just feel like yelling NO, Get the hell away from me! and you just want to cry hold me and make it better.

Every that has to deal with depression deals with it differently and they have different symptoms. We dont all do things the same way or to the same degree.
when I get quiet... its not always because I'm thinking... actually I am thinking, just not in a good way.  I slowly spiral till I feel like I am nothing and in MY mind I don't think anyone wants or needs me.

On a good note... ( not that anyone may care lol ) writing this has helped with my day. I feel somewhat better.... now back to life... I hope.