Spiraling

One coming from the dreaming pond ... unfortunately, its not a dream
 falling in and out of depression..   maybe spiralling is a better word. Downward and upwards ... the middle is the best part. Things are in balance when I'm in the middle.
The last couple of days have been a downward spiral ... and I didnt even see it coming, blind sided by something that is a part of me.  It seems to take me by
surprise, and that truly amazing me.

I hope I'm heading up on this journey. To that nice even place. Sometimes, when this depression comes to get me, I feel like running away from home. Far far away. I just don't want to be near people, yet at the same time I just want someone to hold me and tell me things are going to be ok.  It's a time when people as if you're ok and you just feel like yelling NO, Get the hell away from me! and you just want to cry hold me and make it better.

Every that has to deal with depression deals with it differently and they have different symptoms. We dont all do things the same way or to the same degree.
when I get quiet... its not always because I'm thinking... actually I am thinking, just not in a good way.  I slowly spiral till I feel like I am nothing and in MY mind I don't think anyone wants or needs me.

On a good note... ( not that anyone may care lol ) writing this has helped with my day. I feel somewhat better.... now back to life... I hope.