I Thought Wrong

I Thought Wrong …

feeling like I lost my best friend
having a feeling of being lost
feeling sad emptiness

I thought you would have told me
I thought that maybe …
just maybe
but I thought wrong

Sometimes  I let my heart
run away with out me
Sometimes it goes so far a head
of me
I think I know what page I’m on

I thought  you might have told me
I thought we were closer then that
I thought that maybe …
just maybe
But I thought wrong


My heart races at the thought of you
my heart races when I hear from you
My world lights up
when you talk to me

I thought you might have told me
I thought I would be the first to know
I thought that maybe…
just maybe
But I thought wrong.

Dying Dreams

The Dreamer of Dreams is lost in a dream
Lost in a drowning pool of lost hope
swimming in uncertainty

Dreaming Dreams that will never see light
thinking that its time for the dream to die
and not take flight

The Dreamer cannot do this
dream anymore
the dream is falling through my fingers

What happens when the dream
has to die
what happens when the dream
falls a part
what happens when the dream
is forced to die


The Dreamer is lost in a dream
a dying dream taking everything
a dream that should be no more 

Spiraling

One coming from the dreaming pond ... unfortunately, its not a dream
 falling in and out of depression..   maybe spiralling is a better word. Downward and upwards ... the middle is the best part. Things are in balance when I'm in the middle.
The last couple of days have been a downward spiral ... and I didnt even see it coming, blind sided by something that is a part of me.  It seems to take me by
surprise, and that truly amazing me.

I hope I'm heading up on this journey. To that nice even place. Sometimes, when this depression comes to get me, I feel like running away from home. Far far away. I just don't want to be near people, yet at the same time I just want someone to hold me and tell me things are going to be ok.  It's a time when people as if you're ok and you just feel like yelling NO, Get the hell away from me! and you just want to cry hold me and make it better.

Every that has to deal with depression deals with it differently and they have different symptoms. We dont all do things the same way or to the same degree.
when I get quiet... its not always because I'm thinking... actually I am thinking, just not in a good way.  I slowly spiral till I feel like I am nothing and in MY mind I don't think anyone wants or needs me.

On a good note... ( not that anyone may care lol ) writing this has helped with my day. I feel somewhat better.... now back to life... I hope.
 

waiting

ok , today i'm going to have a little rant. Nothing major. I do try to curb this within myself. Today i'm having a difficult time with it .... PATIENCE. I'm jusr running out of it and have no clue where its going. I wish it would come back to me !

 Sometimes i find waiting for people or things such a trial. whether it be waiting for someone to show up, answer a txt or for my kids to do whats been asked of them. Its driving me crazy. Yes, the kids do this ... they are supposed to ... but what about friends and other loved ones??

If you say you are going to do something , PLEASE! don't leave me hanging. I just cant tell you how much i am waiting for what ever it is. The let down is like falling off of a major cliff ( not that i have done this or plan to ). Maybe i should just give up with the waiting... not sure how to ... but ...  Yeah ... about that ... ::sigh::

ok ... im done, for now

back to my waiting ...  

Touched By Your Light

Wandering in a world of my own
Seeing your face before me
Like a haunting, misty image
Walking away
I feel your eyes on me
Your image fades in the night
One more deep breath
I walk in to the darkness grateful for the moment of light
You brought to me
As I walk in my darkness
Your light will forever be
A part of my soul
My darkness has been forever changed
By your touch
My path forever changed
Thank you for touching me
With your light.

Lost Super Hero

well, needless to say that this super hero is on the run again.
not sure where we are running to , yet. Maybe... I'll run to you. Sometimes super heros need a break.
With up coming events, I'm already planning my escape. As much as I'd like to run to you, its just not going to happen this time. I'm looking forward to the get away.

Wanting ...

what does one do when they want something so much they can taste it ??

this is the question that has me going tonight.

If it was food, well lets go get it, same with a drink.
Now.. what if it is a touch, a feeling, time spent with a person?? Now what are we going to do?
we cant just reach out and grab it/them. OR can we?? Do these feelings, touches and people just have to be a dream or fantasy??  Sadly, most times I'd have to say yes.

The thing is.... that I just want to spend some time with you. Not like just one night. But to really spend time together, get to know each other. In all ways possible. Go to dinner, maybe a movie. Take a few walks. Spend a night together, And no, I'm not talking about sex. Although that might come at some point.

Another thing... you are here with me. Yet , there are times that I feel so alone, lost even.
I walk in the shadows with no contact from you.

There we go ... I'm talking about two different someones. It almost makes me laugh. Maybe I just don't know what I want. OR maybe I want it all .