Cold Sleep

Crawling into bed, I arrange the pillows so they are like another body next to mine.
It seems like a sad little thing to do. Yet, this is how I get to be next to you.



The only warmth I get is that from my own body. It takes so long for me to get warm.
The warmest thing I have are my thoughts of you.



I start to think of how warm your body would be next to mine. Of how your skin would
feel heating mine. Of how your breath would caress my hair.



My music lulls me to sleep. The drums sound like a beating heart. I imagine it is your heart
beat next to my ear. A strong rhythmic sound. With each note of the organ, I imagine
your fingers along my skin, smooth and graceful. Stroking each key.... stroking me.



No more reading, no more imagination. My eyes close, and I drift to sleep dreaming of you
next to me.

i just don't understand......

what the problem with a lot of couples out there that they don't, won't or can't allow there spouses to have friends out side of them selves. We are talking a friendship, nothing sexual.

Now what is a friendship??? Some one to talk to, to share a few silly dreams with, someone who might help you see things in a new light. Maybe even someone who encourages your dreams...

Male or female... does it really matter?? Well .. I'm really learning that it does. Especially if the other person is married and male. Am I really that much of a threat OR is it that woman dont trust their husbands to have a friend?? I happen to have a wonderful husband who thinks its great that I have friends out there. I think its wonderful that he has friends out there. People who share his interests.. in areas that I really don't know much about. Im happy to listen to his ideas... but i cant really contribute more and different ideas to something I know little about. Thats what other friends are for!

Now the male/female thing.... as I am a very happily married person I really don't want anything more then a friendship... I dont want to have a sexual relationship with someone else's hubby. NO cam, No MSN. sometimes I don't mind voice... as its easier to get ideas across then when typing ... BUT its not necessary...

ok ... I think im done my rant ...

IF

If I could be in your arms

Know that I would be

If I could be tucked beside you

I would be

If I could run my hands

along you , I would

If I could kiss your lips

I may never stop

If I could have one night with you

It would never be enough

If you wanted me

I would come to you

If you need me

I'll be there

You have my heart

You have my love

Yet all of this you know

but do not accept

You are apart of me

and I will always be apart of you

If I could be in your arms

Nothing would stop me from loving you

If I could be tucked by your side

I'd never leave

If I could touch you

You would never want another

All of this you know

Yet cannot acknowledge

You have a piece of my heart

that no one can take way from you

IF you want it

You just need to let me know

With words or actions

and its yours

I am yours

but this you do not know

One word

and I melt for you

One touch and I'd never leave you

For now things will

remain as they are

For now I will hold

my peace

For now

although my heart is yours

it shall remain here

For now

You don't want to know

that you are a piece of me

and I am of you

IF I hold my arms out to you

Would you come to me

If I told you what you mean to me

would you understand

Would you want the same OR

would you run??

Just Not Enough

I know I am not you favorite

I know I am not a lady

I also know that i am not special enough

I just want to feel your love

I just want you to know

that I am a lady

even if you dont think so

I just want you to know

that I am special

to many others,

If not to you

You gave everyone

your time and attention

For some reason

there wasnt much left for me

I have found all these qualities

inside myself

Some with the help

of my chosen family

Some with the love of

MY family

For some reason they love me

even though im not your favorite,

Or a lady or special

I am me

Still growing and learning.

Twists and Turns

Its all the twists and turns that make our path.
The Crossroads of what is to come and what has been.
The relationship that has come and gone, people, souls that have touched us.

Twists and turns, hills maybe mountains and valleys, not where we place our feet or
who or what we place our faith in. Remember that it is always the journey not the
destination.

Twists and turns, fast or slow. Those who let us touch them as we reach the cross roads.
the twists and turns are our future. The straight road the past behind us. Hills and valleys,
the ups and downs of life.

These are the things that make us who we are and lead us to who we are meant to be.

Into Forever

As I look into your eyes

I can feel myself

falling into forever

A forever with you

soul to soul

heart to heart

A safe place

a place of joy

a place of forever

In you I see

Past Present and Future

I fall into forever

as I look deeply

into your soul

Nights End

The night draws to a close

My chalice is almost empty

My heart heart is heated

with thoughts of you

A look, A word

A touch, A sigh

All coming together

with the rising sun

My chalice drained

My soul calling for you

Sunlight hurting my tired eyes

My body craving your touch

Your name on my lips

as i lay here

in dawns early light

My eyes close

Images of you

drifting before me

My last conscious thought

is of you